


Forelsket

by prinsessa_mouse



Series: Living in Uggr [12]
Category: Metalocalypse (Cartoon)
Genre: Bubble Bath, Childhood Memories, Cuddling & Snuggling, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, M/M, Memories, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Pining, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Kissing, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:06:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29097744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prinsessa_mouse/pseuds/prinsessa_mouse
Summary: Toki and Skwisgaar slowly start to fall for each other.(Can be read as a stand alone)
Relationships: Nathan Explosion/Pickles the Drummer, Skwisgaar Skwigelf/Toki Wartooth
Series: Living in Uggr [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2021879
Comments: 10
Kudos: 17





	1. Scars

Skwisgaar was aware of Toki’s scars even if he didn’t see much more than the ones that crept up around his shoulders onto his arms. His fingers traced over the raised skin with the barrier of cotton fabric to protect the marred flesh. He touched Toki the same way he touched him, feather light fingers ghosting over the afflicted area, a tenderness meant to show understanding instead of demanding explanation. Skwisgaar laid beside him every night since his separation holding him when the nightmares caused him to toss and turn. He hummed Agnostic Priest songs to calm him down, he wiped away tears and played with his hair.

Toki played with his hand whenever it was in his grasp. He spent a lot of time twisting Skwisgaar’s wedding ring on and off his finger. He asked when he’d take it off which made the blonde almost ask when the brunette would start changing in their bedroom instead of the bathroom.

The older man had no shame, he didn’t bother hiding his body or the bruises. In the safety of their bedroom, he allowed Toki to see him at his most vulnerable. He didn’t want to hide from his past. He didn’t march around the apartment with his shirt off, but he started to show a relaxed side of himself around the other man.

Tonight, Toki stood awkwardly staring out of the half open door waiting for the bathroom to come available. He stepped foot to foot as if he were about to wet his pants. His awkward dance caught Skwisgaar’s attention by accident.

“Yous going to be waitings a while. Pickle takes forevers when he gets high and has a bubble bath,” the blonde warned.

“Buts I wants to get readies for bed!”

Skwisgaar stopped writing out guitar tabs to give Toki a sympathetic smile. “I can leaves if you wants privacy,” he offered. He could use an excuse to sneak into the kitchen for a snack before bed.

“Nei, I can waits,” Toki mumbled. He hugged his clothing tight to his chest to shield himself from judgement. He didn’t possess the same confidence Skwisgaar did when it came to being basically naked around another human being. His upbringing taught him that covering his body was part of modesty and humility. He still clung to weird religious mannerism even if he no longer believed in the religion, he was forced to practice for eighteen years. He slowly phased out his nightly prayer sessions for a chance to cuddle with Skwisgaar. It wasn’t that he denounced his religion because of the blonde, he chose to start fulfilling the life he always dreamed of having outside of Norway.

“It’s fines. I don’t minds at all. You needs privacy, I gets that,” Skwisgaar said tucking his pen into his notebook and setting it on the bedside table.

Toki frowned, “I just has reasons.”

“I knows, Toki. You don’ts have to feel likes you owe me an explanations,” Skwisgaar replied. “I can rolls over if you wants to change in here.”

“Cans you...I don’t knows. I just wants to goes to bed. I am tired froms band practice and recording,” Toki whined. He didn’t mean to start complaining. Nathan warned him to get into the bathroom before Pickles got high and listened to his Walkman in the bathtub. Skwisgaar’s offers were all kind gestures, ones he couldn’t take him up on. He stayed wake the night before when Toki woke up crying from a rather unsettling dream. He thrashed at the bedding, he fought to get untangled only for the blonde to patiently reassure him where he was. They stayed awake talking about model airplanes until Toki drifted off again.

Skwisgaar’s expression softened, “Its no bigs deal for me to leaves for a few minutes. Can finds us a snack.”

“I don’ts want a snack Skwisgaar!” the brunette snapped.

“Toki, yous allowed to be grumpy withs me but I thinks I am beings reasonables,” the blonde retorted. He exercised patience. This frustration came from a place of understanding. Skwisgaar knew the frustration of explaining his marital issues to his friends. He understood the struggle of finding his voice and speaking openly.

The brunette’s anger dwindled as he realized how embarrassed he felt about his outburst. He hugged his bundle of clothes tighter. He wished he could disappear. Skwisgaar meant him no harm.

“We can talks about it,” Skwisgaar said picking at his nails. He averted his eyes and found a new focus instead of staring down the other man.

Toki released his grip on his bundle of clothes to shut the bedroom door. He shuffled over to the side of the bed where he stood staring at Skwisgaar. His blue eyes were wide as the tears welled. “Whats if you never likes me again?” he sniffled.

“I could nevers stop likings you, Toki. You’re my friend,” Skwisgaar said. He stopped picking at his nails to look up at the teenager standing next to the bed. He shuffled over to make room for him, he claimed the spot next to the wall with enough distance to let the brunette take a seat.

“Am covered ins scars.”

Skwisgaar patted the bed, “I am covered in bruises.”

“But you cans heal. I can’ts ever gets rid of them,” Toki grumbled. He dropped down onto the mattress with his back to Skwisgaar. He couldn’t face the blonde; his calm voice drew out the past and made him sick to his stomach. His instinct was to run away, hide from the reality that someone wanted to talk about his upbringing with him. Skwisgaar showed his vulnerability to him willingly. Toki longed to feel that type of bravery only to falter each time he tried to share his scars. He got tired of hiding, the modesty didn’t change the outcome. The shame however kept him quiet.

“I knows but the pains I feel emotionallies is still there. That takes long time to heals and I thinks you want to one days lets me in. You shows so much understanding for me that I wants to does that for you. Toki, you mades me feel safe enough to lets you into my life. I hopes one day you feels that safe withs me,” Skwisgaar rambled. He moved a bit closer to Toki and ghosted his fingers over his clothed back. He traced from the base of the young man’s spine up to his neck then back down again. His fingers lightly grazing over raised skin in the process.

Toki shivered. He bit his lip to hold back the whimper forming in his throat. He became overwhelmed, his senses heightened because of the stimulation. He laid his pajamas into his lap to free his hands. He pushed down the vile hatred and self loathing that poisoned his mind with doubt. His shaking hands gripped the hem of his t-shirt and in one swift yank pulled the fabric off his body exposing his bare back to Skwisgaar.

The air got knocked out of the blonde’s lungs when his eyes took in the patchwork of scars expanding all down Toki’ back. Amongst the faded scars were different depths and heights of raised skin, silver and red accents to those scars painted a timeline of abuse from a young age to his eighteenth year. Skwisgaar’s hand hovered cautiously over the bare skin on display while he struggled to decide whether to touch him or not.

“Ams ugly,” Toki choked out.

Skwisgaar sat up and shuffled close to the brunette so he could wrap his arms around his waist and rest his chin on top of his shoulder. He hugged him tight, burying his face into the crook of Toki’s neck. “You are the most beautifuls person I know. Your scars does not define you just likes my bruises don’t defines me. I thinks you are perfects inside and out,” he said sincerely. A smile pulled at his face when Toki took hold of his left hand to begin playing with his wedding ring.

“You don’t needs this,” Toki said slipping the gold band off Skwisgaar’s ring finger. “You don’ts have to wears it and still feels like his properties. He doesn’t deserves to haves you wearing a ring froms him when he brokes his promises.”

“Considers it gone,” Skwisgaar mumbled. He watched his beloved ring being placed on the nightstand. He’d find a safe place to hide it when he woke up. Toki had a point, whatever was happening between them the ring had to go. Skwisgaar pushed the nagging warning to stay away from the Norwegian from his mind to enjoy the embrace he captured him in. 

Toki’s tears slowly subsided as he melted into the hug. “I likes you a lot, Skwisgaar,” he replied.

“I likes you too.”

“Nei, I means I likes like you and I don’t knows how to does this,” Toki trailed off. He remembered having crushes in school. He never liked a man until he met Skwisgaar. He didn’t have an attraction to any other man except the blonde. His crush on the Swede got worse the longer they spent together. He worried about ruining their friendship and the band.

Skwisgaar gave Toki a reassuring squeeze. “Wells, I don’t likes to lies so I tells you I likes like you too and we doesn’t force it. Lets it come together on its owns,” he suggested.

“Organicallies,” Toki chimed in. Pickles used that word when he vented to him one night about his looming crush on Skwisgaar and asking if heartbreak could kill him.

“I am goings to need times to works on stuff. I needs you to respects that.”

Toki nodded, “I has all the times in the worlds to wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set months and soon years after the separation, the dawn of Skwistok is finally upon us!!  
> I hope you're all prepared for sappy love with some struggles peppered in as they each pine after each other and try to make a relationship work.  
> Happy Reading <3


	2. The Kiss

Toki became obsessed with the idea of his first kiss.

Skwisgaar who kissed a few girls in his lifetime noticed the subtle hints of the younger man staring up at him a bit longer than usual. Toki studied his lips with great interest, pursed his own as if he debated making the first move.

He thought it was rather cute. Toki kept dropping hints every opportunity he got. He moped around the apartment when he didn’t get what he wanted. His pouty lips and puppy dog eyes nearly melted Skwisgaar’s heart. He almost caved except he settled on boundaries.

He wanted to wait until Toki turned nineteen.

Kisses were harmless until it led to sexual tension. Not like they weren’t suffering from a bout of that already. Skwisgaar resisted the urge to kiss Toki on so many occasions that it bled into their touring lives. On tour, everyone noticed how they acted together. It got harder to resist giving into Toki’s desires when he crawled into the bunk they were sharing on the bus to sulk that his hints weren’t reciprocated.

Backstage after the show Toki followed Skwisgaar into their shared dressing room where he folded his arms over his chest and wrinkled his nose in disgust.

“Smoking ams a dirty habit,” the Norwegian complained.

“Then whys you always bummings cigarettes off me?”

Toki shrugged his shoulder.

Skwisgaar blew a plume of smoke from his mouth and offered his cigarette to Toki, who took it from him. With his hands free and nicotine waking him up again, he decided to remove his corpse paint. He dug through his backpack on the couch in search of make up wipes. He would never get used to the exhausting process of applying then removing all the paint.

“Closest I cans get to a kiss,” the Norwegian mumbled.

“That’s what its abouts you dildo?”

Toki took a rather large inhale, blowing the smoke at Skwisgaar in retaliation. “Ja, I gives you hints. I tolds you months agos I likes you. I even be patient whens you went backs to your husband to deal with his rehabs. I thoughts you liked me and when you likes someone you kisses them,” he grumbled. He took another puff letting the smoke dramatically flow from his nostrils like a dragon.

“Why didn’ts you just talks to me? I waits until you were nineteens. I didn’t wants you repeatings what I did at eighteens,” the blonde explained. Respectful boundaries mattered; he would’ve appreciated some of those same boundaries with Magnus. A man in his late twenties had no business kissing or touching him when he was eighteen. Skwisgaar ate up the affection without realizing the situation of not having a permanent home made him an easy target. He grew comfortable with the idea of giving himself over if it meant a roof over his head, food, and a connection to the music industry. While he benefited he also lost a lot of himself, he didn’t want Toki starting a cycle like that.

“That’s a week aways!! What harm is us kissings?”

Skwisgaar huffed out an irritated sigh. He rubbed the make up wipe across his face to remove his corpse paint as he thought of a response. To him, what was a week? He slept beside Toki every night. He rejected Magnus’ advances when he ran home to help him with the mortgage payments on the house. He remained faithful to Toki including respecting him. He was an adult; it was his job to make the right choice for them. His biggest fear was taking advantage of him because he wanted to be more intimate.

“Skwisgaar, a kiss is nothings more than a kiss,” Toki said snubbing his cigarette out in the ashtray on the coffee table. He invaded the blonde’s space by snatching the make up wipe from his hand to start wiping away the paint for him. “Sometimes, I thinks something worse happeneds to you when you were my age. Did a kiss turns into something you couldn’ts stop? I wants to understands.”

“Nej, he nevers did anythings like that to me. He respected me, I just thoughts I owed him that stuff because he lets me live in his house for frees. He gave me everythings when I had nothings. I am sorry I treats you like a child when you are grown ups enough to handle a kiss.”

Toki beamed. The cloth wicked away the darkest section of black paint revealing beautiful porcelain skin. Blue eyes watched him with great interest until they closed to allow him access to his eyelids. “I appreciates that you cares so much though. I am readies for us to try kissings,” he said gently wiping away the black eye paint.

“No sex untils you are twenty-one,” Skwisgaar said bashfully. He opened his eyes again to stare back at Toki fondly. He wondered if he blushed under his paint as his own cheeks heated up. “I wish I coulds have waited until I was older. I gaves it away to quick to my husband and whiles it was specials, he was ten years olders than me.”

The brunette got another wipe from the package to resume his task. “I takes it is not negotiables,” he asked curiously.

“Not rights now. Remembers a few months ago I asks you to respects my wishes to gives me time to sorts things out?”

Toki nodded.

“I still needs that from you. I am not readies for sexual relationships just yets. There are things I haven’t tolds you about my marriage and when I ams readies I wants to talk with you abouts it,” the blonde admitted.

“I am sorry I pushes you. I been wantings my first kiss for a long time. Its all I coulds think about and I should have tolds you it was bothering me insteads of hintings,” Toki whispered. He wiped away the lasts of the corpse paint on Skwisgaar’s face. He nearly jumped when the blonde returned the favor of wiping his paint off his face.

Skwisgaar wiped Toki’s lips clean then leaned forward and pressed his lips against his friend’s. He didn’t expect the younger man to kiss him back right away. He dropped the make up wipe to cup Toki’s cheek as the kiss deepened. Skwisgaar pulled way first, resting his forehead against the brunette’s.

“That was betters than practicings on my hand.”

“Who tolds you to do that,” Skwisgaar asked pecking Toki on the lips.

Toki snickered, “Williams.”

“I am scareds I will always wants to kiss you,” Skwisgaar murmured. He didn’t know what a hard drug addiction felt like but kissing Toki came close. He wanted more, the kiss came with a euphoric spark and connection he didn’t understand. When he kissed Magnus, he did it out of love. It never came with a soul crushing need to connect with someone. That spark was all Toki.

“Can I kisses you whenevers I wants?”

Skwisgaar nuzzled his nose against Toki’s lovingly. “As long as we don’ts make it too weirds in fronts of the guys. Is that fairs?” he responded.

“We hads our first kiss,” Toki squealed excitedly. The kiss was everything he imagined it to be and more. He’d respect Skwisgaar’s wishes, Pickles and Nathan only showed a certain level of affection in front of them. Toki agreed that limited affection in front of their friends seemed to be a fair request.

“Abouts to be our third ones,” the blonde warned.

Toki took the opportunity to initiate the kiss this time. He couldn’t wait to get back into their bunk for the night. He assumed goodnight kisses were going to be the best thing he shared with Skwisgaar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skwisgaar and Toki learning to be respectful of each other's needs!!  
> Happy Reading <3


	3. Nightmares

Skwisgaar roamed the halls of Mordhaus when he couldn’t sleep.

He paced until he chose whether to go back to his bedroom that was bigger than the house he grew up in as a child or knock-on Toki’s door to collect him from his room. The Norwegian hid out in his bedroom when he got busy working on model airplanes and wanted some space. They still slept beside each other almost every night. Skwisgaar tucked Toki into his twin sized bed when he passed out with Deddy in his arms.

Sometimes his late-night walks took him into the living room where William stayed up playing arcade games or Nathan was still awake reading. Other times he ran into Pickles in the kitchen where they talked into the early hours of the morning over a giant bowl of ice cream. If Toki was awake, they played guitar or crafted. He started to enjoy doodling when they spent a relaxing night in the Norwegian’s room.

Tonight, Skwisgaar walked the halls after sneaking out of bed. He wandered around the corridors until he came to the big bay windows that overlooked the courtyard. He liked watching the yard wolves darting around their enclosure. Staring out that window gave him time to clear his head, push away the guitar related worries for the day and focus on himself.

He hated the nightmares, he started to suffer from them a lot more since he became intimate with Toki. They spent a year playing first and second base (thanks to Nathan explaining sex to Toki is sports terms). Skwisgaar didn’t clip his wings, he allowed Toki the option to sleep with groupies if he wanted too. He wanted the younger man to have the opportunity to explore sexuality without him holding him back. Toki kissed a few girls only to come back complaining it didn’t give him the same overwhelming excitement he got from Skwisgaar. They came to an agreement then that they were ready to take the next step and hired their own look-alikes like Pickles and Nathan did for preserve their public image. The nightmares started when they began exploring each others’ bodies.

“What’s did yous dream of this times?” Toki asked sneaking up beside Skwisgaar to stare out into the yard where the wolves ran about with the dog toys they tossed over the fence earlier.

Skwisgaar played with the strings on his hoodie as he considered the question. “Sometimes, I wakes up froms the nightmares and my body remembers what it felts like to be slammed downs onto the floor or brunt with cigarettes,” he said softly.

“I dreams about the punishments pit. I remembers what it was likes to be alones down there in the darks.”

“I really hates that I dreams of him when I sleeps next to you,” Skwisgaar sight dejectedly.

Toki rested his head against the Swede’s arm. He needed to keep him talking to prevent an anxiety attack. “When I dreams of Norway and wakes up scared, I looks over and knows you are theres next to me or Deddy if I ams in my bedroom. I knows you tucked me ins, that I can come sleeps next to yous. You makes me feel safe,” he revealed. He relied on rationality when it came to his nightmares. He sometimes woke Skwisgaar who cuddled him back to sleep, other times he familiarized himself with his surroundings and went back to sleep. When it came to Skwisgaar’s nightmares, talking and physical contact helped.

“You makes me feels safe too,” Skwisgaar replied.

“What dids you dreams?”

Skwisgaar chewed at his lip and yanked at the strings on his hoodie to keep his hands busy. Without his guitar, he found new things to fidget with. “I was sittings at the kitchen table readings to him. He mades me sit there almost all night because I couldn’t speaks good enough English. He kept correctings me, told me once I reads perfect I can leaves. I never gots it perfect, my tongue would always twists on the words. He would laughs at me or dry my tears but tell me why I deserves to be punished,” Skwisgaar murmured. His gaze left his beloved yard wolves in favor of watching the night sky. He missed Swedish skies full of stars and Northern Lights. He missed home.

“He dids that to you?” Toki asked incredulously.

“Ja.”

Toki saw the distress written on Skwisgaar’s face. He didn’t know what to do with the admission his partner made about being forced to read as a punishment. Over the last two years, he learned a lot of things that caused his skin to crawl. It gave him insight into why Skwisgaar got hung up on boundaries. Toki didn’t mind, he respected the pace of their relationship, and tried to push the boundaries at times to encourage the blonde to trust him. He heard the unspoken offer to talk about the nightmare in more detail too. With some tact he made a suggestion, “We coulds go sees the yard wolves for a bits. When you am readies to talks then we can.”

“Hows about bubble bath?” Skwisgaar countered.

“I cuddles you in the tub and when you am readies we talks?”

That sounded fine with the blonde. He released his grip on his hoodie strings to hold Toki’s hand while they walked back to his bedroom. The brunette playfully bumped into him and chattered away in Norwegian about his latest model airplane.

Skwisgaar’s nerves frayed when they finally got to his bedroom and started to strip in the bathroom. He eyed Toki’s muscular body as if it were the first time he saw it not the hundredth. The exchange of wiry body hair for muscles intrigued him. He rather liked the smooth skin of Toki’s body against his instead of the abrasive rub of Magnus’ chest hair. He enjoyed the strength his boyfriend possessed and never used on him. He only knew a tender kindness when it came to Toki’s actions towards him.

“You goings to get into the tubs or keeps staring at me?” Toki teased. He stepped into the hot bubbly water and leaned back as he let the bubbles obscure Skwisgaar’s view of his body.

“Nej, I wants to be littles spoon,” he chuckled.

Toki smiled inwardly and opened his arms, “You ams always my littles spoon.”

Skwisgaar took the invitation, sinking into the warm suds that hugs his body the same way Toki’s arms hugged him. A welcome warmth surrounded him as he laid back, resting his head on his boyfriend’s chest in the process.

“You comfortables?”

“Ja, this am nice.”

Toki kissed his boyfriend’s cheek. He remembered when with a slip of a tongue Skwisgaar referred to him as his boyfriend then it stuck. He didn’t get sick of the word, he used it as much as possible. They were already common law like Nathan and Pickles. They gave each other pet names; they basically slept every night together unless Toki fell asleep in his room. The only thing that haunted their relationship was Skwisgaar’s divorce, if only the husband would sign the papers then Toki wouldn’t have to feel like the other man.

“You thinks to loud. What is ons your mind?” Skwisgaar asked.

“You reveals something pretty heavies to me, elskling,” Toki trailed off. He tried not to get pushy. Sometimes Skwisgaar shared parts of his past and he wanted to have him elaborate a bit more. Tonight, there seemed to be a bit more room to ask questions before his boyfriend shut down. “You saids he made you reads to him? Why did he do that’s?”

Skwisgaar swallowed, his throat grew dry as his mouth opened and closed repeatedly. When he talked about the abuse with Toki a lot of his nightmares subsided or resulted in milder traumatic nightmares that didn’t send him running from the bedroom. Conquering the reading punishment nightmare might give him a bit more confidence. Pickles pointed out his English improved a lot when the pressure to speak perfectly disappeared. That punishment did the most damage. Skwisgaar struggled to find a balance between his love of reading and relaxing. It used to be a routine to every night lay in the bathtub to read. Magnus ruined the joy it brought him because he had to sit at the kitchen table for hours combing over a fifty-page picture book of tongue twisters. He robbed him of his languages and singing voice too. At one point with his friends, he braced himself for a slap because he spoke in Swedish around them. On the odd occasion he still flinched if someone moved to fast and his reflexes prepared him to shrink away. Skwisgaar chose to confront this problem, his bruises healed but his emotional scars were by far the worst thing he dealt with daily.

He closed his eyes, bringing himself back to the kitchen. A copy of Fox In Socks sat on the lemon print placemats, Magnus sat at the table with his head held in his hand as he corrected him for the fifth time, the sun dipped on the horizon casting the warm pink hues into the open kitchen window.

His hand wiggled its way into Toki’s under the bubbly water to squeeze it tightly.

“I could recites you Fox In Socks because I reads it so many times aloud,” Skwisgaar whispered. “First times, I didn’ts do the dishes because I wanted to practice and packs for my tour. My husband gots so mad when I mouthed off to hims that he told me if I wants to be a child he treats me like one. He mades me sit at the kitchens table readings that book to him as my punishments. If I reads it wrong I hads to repeat it until I was rights. Practice my English readings. I sats there four hours untils he finally lets me get up.”

Toki bit back the urge to demand more answers and opted for a gentler approach. “Why did he cares if you could reads English? I thoughts he liked that yous were foreign,” he asked squeezing Skwisgaar’s hand to encourage him.

“Because I likes how cute Pickle and Nathans are reading togethers. I thought why nots share something like books withs my husband? I could practice English and teaches him some more Swedish. I gots him some childrens books in Swedish and he gots me his favorites children books in English. That is hows it started. I really hates reading when he laughs at me. He mades me deals if I could reads porfectly then he learns Swedish. Never kepts his promise, all he dids was laughs at me for tryings.”

“Skwisgaar, you didn’t deserves to go throughs that. I hopes you know that’s in the past and he can’ts hurt you now. I would never hurt you likes that,” Toki said.

The blonde trusted Toki, he never suspected he could hurt him. His boyfriend still slept with stuffed animals and acted like a child; he was not a threat in anyway to him. “I knows, Toki. Cans you tells me something?” Skwisgaar asked. Behind his closed eyes he still sat at the table with Magnus, Fox In Socks laid open on the lemon print placemat as his tears hit the pages. His husband rubbed his brow, his expression sullen as he asked him to repeat the page again.

“Hmm, when I was a kid backs in Norway we had this horse on our farm.”

The sullen expression faded on Magnus’ face as he stopped rubbing his brow. The tears dried on the pages of the book when everything started to disappear. The kitchen, placemat, and book morphed into farmland. The horse Toki described as his favorite ‘pet’ took over his imagination. All that remained was Magnus at the table as Skwisgaar stood up to walk towards the open field where the gray speckled horse trotted about happily. Toki painted him vivid pictures when they talked, and he clung to every word.

Toki watched the tears rolling down Skwisgaar’s cheeks. He squeezed his body tightly in the embrace. He kept talking about how he dreamed his horse might be a unicorn and he pretended it was a secret between them. Through Skwisgaar’s tears came a tiny smile. Toki understood that his ramblings helped his boyfriend combat his demons. He explained it once that he imagined the story Toki told him until the nightmare plaguing him faded into the background. The younger man’s story concluded leaving Skwisgaar smiling over a unicorn.

“Jag älskar dig, Toki.”

The Norwegian bristled with excitement. Those three words lingered on the tip of his tongue for a while and it surprised him that Skwisgaar was the first one to say them. “Jeg elsker deg også,” he replied nuzzling his nose into his boyfriend’s floral scented hair.

“Thanks you for helpings me talk and calms down,” Skwisgaar added.

“Anytimes you needs to talk I will be theres like you are for me.”

Skwisgaar braved opening his eyes to reality. His unicorn faded into the memories along with Magnus and the book. He chose to tell Toki about the wolves he saw as a kid to continue their conversation about childhood.

Neither of them hurried out of the bath until their skin pruned then started the merciless teasing of who looked like the oldest man. That teasing turned into tickling and Toki being lifted onto the vanity where a heated make out started. What materialized in the bathroom forged a new memory that Skwisgaar would cling onto for a lifetime. Having Toki naked, sitting on his vanity was the best dream he could have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The curse of writing three stories at once!!   
> Here is the nightmares chapter.   
> Happy reading <3


	4. Twenty One

Skwisgaar planned everything from breakfast in bed to an afternoon spent doing everything Toki loved to do. The band planned a giant party for the weekend which left birthday supper and cake for the evening.

Presents surrounded the youngest band member. He tore into the wrapping paper like a happy go lucky child. He marvelled at the new model airplanes he received and snuggled the giant Deddy Bear. He got a lot of candy. His favorite gift was Skwisgaar’s.

The Swede spent a lot of time gaining the trust of the yard wolves. He worked at it daily until they allowed him to pet them and eventually handle their pups. He brought Toki along most of the time when they took care of the tame wolves. With a lot of extra treats, toys, and praise he picked up one of his favorite pups to hand over to his boyfriend.

The Norwegian loved snuggling the little baby in his arms.

“You should names him,” Skwisgaar beamed. All around his feet Frigg’s other pups played, begging to be picked up too. He befriended the dark gray wolf he called Frigg first then slowly the others came around. The wolves accepted him then started to get used to Toki as well.

Toki admired the small black pup in his arms. His boyfriend elaborated in detail how this was the cuddliest one out of all the pups born that spring. “Do we haves one called Fenrir yet?” he asked curiously.

“Nej though he mights be to sweets for such a big name,” Skwisgaar chuckled. He didn’t mind what they called him. He seemed to be the type of pup that craved attention being the runt of his litter. He reminded him of Toki who exuded so much love into the world.

The pup squeaked and wagged his tail excitedly when Toki held him up to get a better look at him. “You looks like a Licorice to me,” he said bringing the puppy back down to hold him to his chest.

“I thinks he approves. Looks how happy you ares,” Skwisgaar baby talked Licorice.

Toki pressed a kiss to his fuzzy head then let him down to play with his siblings who were all vying for attention. “This was the bests gift. Thanks you, elskling,” he said gratefully. He loved the wolves, he tried to convince Skwisgaar a few times to let him get a rabbit, but they found out at a petting zoo the blonde was allergic to them.

“I gots one more gift for yous,” Skwisgaar said bending down to scoop up a gray pup he named Fizzgig from The Dark Crystal. He scratched her head while he cradled her in his arms. “You knows you are twenty-ones now. So, you cans legally drinks…and we cans finally be more intimates.”

“Tonights I wants you all to myself,” Toki said coyly.

Skwisgaar handed Fizzgig to his boyfriend to get her used to being held. “Afters birthday suppers and cake we can be alones,” he corrected. As a band they put a lot of effort in for Toki. Birthdays and holidays were important to him so any excuse for a fancy meal and cake made everyone happy.

Birthday supper didn’t compare to the giant chocolate cake the band gorged themselves on.

The guys hinted at drinking and watching movies but Skwisgaar pulled Pickles aside to explain that there were special birthday plans for the evening.

The redhead snickered and pulled a condom out of his wallet. “Yeh need me to give yeh guys a lesson on how to put one of these on?” he smirked.

“Pfft, I can’ts even use that brand. I am allergics to it,” Skwisgaar mumbled.

“What can’ts you use?” Toki chimed in. He came up behind his boyfriend and wrapped his arms around his waist affectionately.

Pickles shoved the condom into his pocket and gave Toki a cheeky grin. “Yeh have fun tonight, Toki. Take ‘er home,” he said. He hurried into the living room to tell Nathan and William that it would be just them watching movies and playing drinking games tonight.

“What’s he mean takes ‘er home?”

Skwisgaar sighed fondly, “He means takes fourth base, goofsball.”

“Ams your goofsball,” Toki retorted.

“Let’s goes back to my room, ja?”

The Norwegian nearly dragged Skwisgaar down the hallways in excitement. He waited for this day for three years. The lead up to this day made it special and terrifying. They never talked about this stage of their sex life yet. They survived on the basics and foreplay. Toki got advice from Nathan, who sat him down for the most awkwardly explained sex-ed lecture he didn’t ask for. Pickles however seemed to be a wealth of knowledge when it came to preparing for this night. Skwisgaar avoided the topic whenever he brought it up, he told him they had time.

Thinking about it now, it seemed backwards. Toki tried not to read to much into it. Skwisgaar relied on him to respect his needs even if he could tell sometimes that his boyfriend wanted to throw in the towel and break his own rules. There was a particular talent Toki mastered with his fingers and mouth in combination that took Skwisgaar apart in a matter of minutes. Swedish filth poured from his mouth, moans sang to the heavens, his body responded with so much acceptance yet harbored a bit of resistance, he grabbed for anything he could hold in his hands for support. Skwisgaar’s breathing got louder as the rest of his vocalisations calmed, his face expressed so many emotions as it settled into a euphoric look of happiness. Toki’s favorite thing as he took his boyfriend apart was when he held his breath just before he was about to orgasm. All his sounds choked off until the release hit him then he became vocal again. Skwisgaar liked the closeness, he didn’t want to be apart until he came down from the endorphin induced high he was riding. He craved tenderness as if he never experienced being loved or touched in the afterglow of sex.

On the receiving end of foreplay, Toki thought Skwisgaar worshipped him. His actions were planned, methodical in a way to ensure they translated as respectful. With great care came passion and proof that the blonde’s mouth was good for something other than sarcastic quips. Skwisgaar seemed to love being on his knees, his blue eyes glanced upwards seeking approval and Toki nearly lost his mind over how amazing his boyfriend looked with his dick in his mouth.

Lost in the recesses of his spank bank memories, the younger man’s arm got yanked a bit to hard for his liking.

“Toki, where you tryings to go?” Skwisgaar giggled. He planted his feet firmly to avoid being dragged further down the hallway away from their bedroom.

The brunette looked over his shoulder to see they were headed towards his tiny bedroom instead. “Sorries, my mind ams elsewhere,” he admitted.

“As much as I likes your room…your bed ams to small.”

“Yets you still cuddles in it withs me,” Toki snickered. He didn’t mind Skwisgaar taking the lead that brought them to their bedroom. The space the blonde chased him out of before supper because he needed to set up a few things.

Toki’s eyes adjusted quickly to the golden glow of the mock candles set out on the clear surfaces around the room. Condoms and lube sat on the bedside table. The fur bedspread tossed to the foot of the king-sized bed to provide them enough space to do whatever they wanted. Skwisgaar whispered something to him that didn’t register in his mind. He watched the blonde saunter off to the bathroom which confused him.

He looked around their room somewhat confused.

What did Skwisgaar whisper in his ear? Why couldn’t he recall those flirtatious words?

In his second daze of the day, he nearly fell over trying to pry his boots off his feet. Something clicked that getting down to his underwear might be smart. His focus was ruined the moment Skwisgaar came back into the room wearing a short black silk robe. His long blonde hair was pulled back into a messy knot to keep it out of the way.

“Hallå,” Skwisgaar whispered seductively.

Toki’s eyes took in the beauty of his boyfriend from his long legs to his blonde hair. “Wowee, you ams sexy,” he replied. The nagging immature voice in the back of his head suggested making a joke about Skwisgaar being a beautiful lady but he refrained.

“You goings to sit downs or stands all night?”

“Sorries just thinkings.”

Skwisgaar took the first step of sitting down on the bed and patted the space beside him. He waited for Toki to sit next to him before he brought up the awkward conversation he dreaded most. “So, befores anything happens I wants to talk,” he said nervously.

“Okays,” Toki answered.

Exhaling, Skwisgaar took his partner’s hand in his. “I thinks for your first times you lets me bottom. Ams okay with that and thinks you’ll enjoys that more,” he said.

“Are you sures?”

“Ja, I knows that’ll be better for your first times.”

Toki frowned, “I cares you has goods time too.”

“I will. Don’t worries about anythings okay? If its with yous it’ll be good no matters what,” Skwisgaar said giving Toki’s hand a reassuring squeeze. Those words poured from Magnus’ mouth the first time they ever had sex. Skwisgaar felt worn down when he finally agreed. He drank in the romance that accompanied the night, pushed back the urge to say no and shyly took his place beneath Magnus. It’d been good, he felt loved until his boyfriend rolled over and fell asleep leaving him sitting in bed, pain running up his backside unsure what to do. He repressed the memory and shoved it back into the vault. Toki was different, he really hoped he would be.

“You chooses the position okay?” Toki warned. Pickles lectured him one drunken night about respect during one of their heart to hearts. He seemed adamant that whoever bottomed got to choose the position. That got Toki researching different positions when he hid in his room.

Skwisgaar chewed at his lip before answering, “Cowsboy.”

Toki took the lead by undoing the satin rob covering his boyfriend’s body. “Yous the most amazings gift,” he complimented. With the robe open he admired the exposed pale skin. It took a long time for Skwisgaar’s body return to the porcelain canvas it once was before his marriage. His fingers lightly traced over his boyfriend’s ribs to hip bones. His mouth started to water when he noticed the underwear were black silk.

The blonde closed his eyes submissively.

“You okays Skwis?” Toki asked trailing his fingers back up to pull on Skwisgaar’s nipple ring.

“Ja, don’t stops,” he moaned out. Magnus never touched him like this. He sometimes showed him a bit of compassion if he got tense. He allowed Toki to touch him whenever he pleased. Skwisgaar grew accustomed to being touched, it overwhelmed his senses, turning him on more when his boyfriend’s fingers ghosted across his flesh.

The brunette pushed the blonde back onto the mattress and straddled his hips. His lips kissed along his boyfriend’s collarbone up his neck. He took his time kissing, nipping, and licking Skwisgaar’s body possessively, marking him in little ways to remind the blonde who loved him. His hands trailed down to the thin sharp hipbones where the silk underwear tempted him. “You ams the most beautiful human,” Toki whispered into Skwisgaar’s ear.

“Jag älskar dig och litar på dig,” Skwisgaar panted out. His ability to reply in English failed him when Toki started whispering and nibbling at his ear.

Toki leaned back, staring into Skwisgaar’s eyes as he declared his own love. “Jeg elsker deg også. Jeg ville aldri skadet deg,” he whispered.

They fell into a weird pace, Skwisgaar never made it on top of Toki and remained beneath him. They moved slowly with no hurry, moving together the same way their guitar solos moved towards a perfect harmony. The desperation gave way to a passion neither of them expected. Toki’s mouth never left Skwisgaar’s skin, he kissed and mouthed along his sweat soaked skin declaring his love through touch. His thrusts calculated and savouring, the little sounds his boyfriend made were worth the pace.

Skwisgaar’s Swedish morphed into sounds of pleasure as he gave over the last ounce of control he had left. He thought being trapped beneath Toki would bring back the horrible memories of his last relationship only to find himself with an equal. Someone who cared about his pleasure, respected his body and what he needed even with the lack of words. When he considered asking for his boyfriend to pick up the speed, he froze when he stared into Toki’s light blue eyes and saw the love and respect there. He stayed transfixed on that, intrigued, and confused by someone showing such raw emotion in their eyes. He never saw such a look in his ex-husband’s eyes, he rarely got to have sex where they faced one another. Toki wanted him, all of him, he kissed and touched every ounce of his flesh. Speaking softly in Norwegian to vow his hand would never raise to him or hurt him. Somehow, it turned him on and pushed him over he edge.

Toki expected himself to be out of control the minute he finally got sex and he cherished the gift Skwisgaar gave him. He took no more than his boyfriend willingly gave him, not asking for more because he understood the look in his boyfriend’s darker blue eyes. There was thankfulness.

The brunette lightly collapsed on top of Skwisgaar when he finally finished a few thrusts after his boyfriend. His post orgasm brain left him unable to speak as he rambled away in Norwegian about his partner’s beauty.

“You am to goods to me,” Skwisgaar mumbled. His lips pecked affectionately kisses to Toki’s lips. “Happy birthday my love.”

Toki returned the kisses lazily. “You deserves to haves the best,” he reasoned emphasizing each word with a kiss.

“So does you,” the blonde countered.

“Does you want to cuddle or clean up?” Toki asked courteously.

Skwisgaar shrugged. “I am goods to cuddle. Thinks you mades me into jelly. I don’t wants to move,” he chuckled.

“Wants to go agains when you gets feelings back? You should of beens on top,” Toki added playfully.

“We stills got few hours left for yours birthday. I thinks I can goes again,” Skwisgaar smiled. Deep down, the three years of waiting to be this close to another person made him appreciate the connection and trust he formed with Toki. Leaning up, catching his boyfriend’s lips in a passionate kiss, he planned to take Toki apart when he got on top.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next chapter!!  
> I am sorry it took so long, I was struggling with some writers block and honestly I just wasn't in the mood to write a full detailed smut (I'm busy writing a real smutty piece for a gift so I am smutted out!!!)  
> I hope you all enjoy this installment!  
> Happy Reading <3


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